Losing track of time; Losing my mind

I keep looking at the clock.

Keep looking at the date.

And then at my phone. To see if she's called. Or texted.

The answer is still the same. No.

I'm losing track of time, losing my mind at the same time.

I know I get to see her tomorrow. I know this. And it brings me a lot of comfort.

But at the same time... having not seen her since last Tuesday night... and not having talked to her since late Saturday night -- a conversation that I barely remember, and actually thought I had dreamed when I awoke Sunday -- I'm literally aching to hear her voice... aching to hold her hand, to wrap my arms around her and hug her. Each night, I fall asleep wishing she was next to me, arms wrapped tightly around a spare pillow; it is the only way I can fall asleep.

I'm scared. Scared of what is keeping her from calling. Scared of what she'll reveal when she returns.

Please send any spare positive vibes and feelings my way. I need all I can get.

An Ode to My Friend Patrick

My friend Patrick is brilliant. More than that he's compassionate, and has a way with words that can easily calm me when I need it.

I'm bursting to hear from Maggie, who is currently in Mexico with a skeevy douchenozzle of an ex boyfriend for the wedding of his brother to her friend from college. And just as I'm going to explode, Patrick calms me down.

And I quote, "dude. Guru Patrick figures that at this point it is out of your control. just have a drink, shut her out and think/meditate inwardly until she's back in town."

Dammit, he's right. I'm going to pour myself another Vodka, smoke a cig, and start meditatin' like a motherfucker.

That'll show her.