Becoming too big to manage

My thoughts and feelings are completely out of control.

My sleep schedule, along with my stomach, is in tatters.

If I'm not thinking about her, I'm not thinking.

On the one hand, she thanks me for pulling her near when she's pushing me away. I'm her shoulder to cry on when she needs to vent about work, or her mom, or her family. I'm her "rock," as she puts it.

On the other, I barely talked to her yesterday. Our only correspondence was through one instant message conversation, which lasted all of five minutes. When I asked her to call me last night, she said she didn't know if she could because she was going out with the girls. True to form, I got no call on the way out to meet the girls, and when I woke up with nightmares at 4am, and foolishly checked my phone, found that I'd gotten no call on her way home from being with the girls.

And the coup de gras: Friday night, the night we'd been planning to have together for Valentine's Day dinner? Canceled, due to a meeting at work. At 7pm. On a Friday night.

Ahem. Excuse me?

I don't know what's more insulting. The idea that I should just be okay with that, or the idea that I shouldn't be suspicious. I mean, would ANYONE not be suspicious?

All in all, it hurts me. It hurts me because I don't know what to believe anymore. I think there's someone else, someone who is taking up her time, whispering sweet nothings (those are MY sweet nothings, you douchenozzle!), and stealing my girl away from me.

And yet, she can tell me she loves me without issue... But the words aren't the thing, right? The feeling is the thing, right? And you can't fake it, right? And if she had any feeling at all for me, she wouldn't lie to me... Right?

I'm just feeling very alone, very betrayed, and very hurt. And to me, to call her on it and come away with nothing - to have her prove her meeting, her evening with the girls, et al - would be a tragic ending right out of Shakespeare.

Say nothing, and live a lie.

Say something, and end with nothing.

Say nothing, and end with nothing anyway.

Of the three, I'd choose the last. I know I'm a fool for doing so. Someone straighten me out. Please, please straighten me out.

Some guys have all the luck

Sarah Silverman is Fu**ing Matt Damon

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Fucking Matt Damon. Guess Silverman has a thing for the Catholics...

Yes, We Can.

Waaaaaaaaaassuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup?!

Wassup...

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You're all welcome.