The New Girl

What a mess.

Maggie and I are splitsville, as a result of her being unable or unwilling to take things to the next level. She knows she's making a mistake, knows that she shouldn't be running from this, but here we are. It's a difficult situation to be in, for sure. She says she still wants to end up with me, but for right now, while we're living in different cities and leading, essentially, different lives, she can't do the distance. And while I was initially very hurt by this, and while it still hurts to think about, the fact is that the distance was wearing on both of us in a major way.

So what do I do? Naturally, I call up a girl that I went to high school with, a girl that I reconnected with at our ten year reunion in December. I see what she's up to. We go out, first with her friends, then on our own, then again last night... and it's normal and fulfilling to have a great conversation with a great person over a great dinner, then follow it up with a very nice, sweet kiss at the end of the night when she drops me off at my apartment.

And we feel... empty.

It's the fire that we want. It's the fire that we crave. And if there is no spark, there can be no fire. Right? Or am I overthinking?

Probably overthinking, SDW.

I will see her again. This much I've already decided. And if something were to develop that got more serious, I would certainly be open to that idea. But...

The fire of Maggie cannot be denied. This is my worry. And as turbulent as our relationship was (is?), when I kissed Maggie I felt something. It's something so strong, something that I've never felt before, and something that cannot be easily replaced with conversation and mild interest.

I need that fire. And if it means being consumed by it in a relationship with Maggie, so be it.

The question is, am I required to feel bad that I'm not putting all of myself into this still-very-young whateverthehellitis I have with the new girl? Or should both of our expectations be tempered by the fact that we've just begun?

On being insincere

I was just in bed. I'm exhausted from the day, which included drinking (beginning at 9am... oof), football, and more drinking.

I also hung out with a girl called Alison, who goes by Ally, who I met at Jon's wedding in Winter Park. Jon and Jess had set up this little meeting, as apparently Ally was taken with me at the reception, where we spent a good five to ten minutes talking. The entire night. Which explains why she was interested. Any longer than 10 minutes and I reckon my conversational skills begin to falter a bit.

Anyway, the word from J&J was that Ally is tired of dating assholes, tired of the scene of dating, and wanting to date a "good guy." Enter, Sam.

After really hanging out with her for the better part of three hours, watching the Broncos' 15-14 fart-fest win over the Buffalo Bills, I've come to realize that this woman who I thought I would be very interested in has absolutely nothing going on. She's melodramatic, over-the-top, not very bright, and honestly, kind of annoying. I do not feel all that bad about saying these things.

Annoying Girl Singing in the Office

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That's not her. But it could be.

And yes, I wish I was kidding.