stunning coincidence

I swear to Jeebus, this happened.

While working today, I came across a writer with the first name of Efrain. Immediately, as if on cue, thoughts drifted to a night last fall in Boulder, with my then-girlfriend Lauren, at a restaurant by that same name. The special on the menu? "The Efrain," a mysterious combination of meat, beans, tortilla, cheese and chili that had my taste buds dancing and my stomach doing backflips. Thankfully, Lauren was quite, um, forgiving, regarding my tummy issues. Mr. Giggles - yes, I've named my stomach in lieu of naming my dick - was noisy and annoying that night.

The odd thing about "The Efrain": they refuse to tell you what's in it, and if you order it, you are prohibited from sending it back. This seems dangerous from a food-allergy standpoint, but also a strange battle to wage against the people who are coming to your restaurant to pay for what truly isn't all that great of a burrito.

Anyway, Efrain led my mind astray, back to that night in Boulder. And who should appear for the first time in months on my messenger? Lauren. Naturally, I put on my happy face just in time to learn that she's moving in with her almost-a-year-now boyfriend, a mysterious man named Gil. I immediately regaled her with stories from my dating life, how nothing's working, how the women I meet either like me more than I like them or vice versa, how I continually screw things up in this department. More than anything, I think I came across as more pathetic than was necessary, especially when speaking to an ex. I want so badly for her to be happy, and yet, for whatever reason, feel that my happiness will be directly compared to hers.

Lauren, you are my satellite. At least, I can hope.



"Maybe you will always be/just a little out of reach."

Edit: The video may make you sick. If you have trouble watching spinning things, either don't watch or grab a trashcan.